Control.
What is my contribution to the very thing I am complaining about?
(This question comes from the Answer to How is Yes by Peter Block)
At first this appears to be a question that increases the burden on the person asking the question, but in reality it may be the most freeing lens to which to view the world.
The most helpless position a person can be in is to be a victim.
Answering this question no longer allows you to be a victim.
Until you have answered this question you have given power and control to your circumstances which you have no control of.
When you have the courage to answer what your contribution is to the very thing you are complaining about you have now identified something that you can control. You are no longer helpless. You are no longer a victim.
My mom had a theory when I was growing up that was helpful too. Hers was called the “Dumbsh*t Theory.” It basically said that some people are just dumbsh*t’s and there is just nothing you can do about it so don’t waste your energy on it. This is freeing also.
The two most important abilities you can develop for personal health and professional success
The ability to identify what you have control of and what you don’t.
The ability to only spend time and emotional energy on things you have control of
As you practice this and develop these abilities the more instinctively you will do it.
*Sorry mom for getting this out in the open.
** Of course I believe that everyone is created in God’s image.